What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 03:06
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It was going to be , some day.
I couldn’t, believe it.
What made you stop being an addict?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Can you show pictures of your penis, big or small?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I will be 64.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Do you think your landlord should have a key to your room?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She wouldn,t have been !
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What are some photos of female sexual organs?
I was very sick at this time too.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was in good health!
How many women have accidentally pooped their pants and became turned on afterwards?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why do people who were very kind and loving once become cold-hearted?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What are some of your favorite hip hop lyrics?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Put me off passion for life!!
What was your most embarrassing wardrobe malfunction in public?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And i lived it daily.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What is the best case of “You just picked a fight with the wrong person” that you've witnessed?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Comes on , in middle age.
Why do narcissists devour so much sugar (candy, ice cream, donuts, etc., in huge amounts at a time)?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was seconnd youngest,
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I don,t even have a pension.
We were not on the streets..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was 9 years of age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One cannot live in the past .
I never cut or harmed myself..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was scared of men, in general
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I write beautiful poetry .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I said to her
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I think the readers, may guess!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But, we were locked up after school.
So whats the point in blame.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
What did i know ?
My family never makes their pension either.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My life is so biszare .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He knew the spot.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Would this be the day?
She loved him until the end.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Was to survive, this bastard.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im still living with it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I waited trembling.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
This is soul school!.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But it wasn’t much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why did i forgive my father ?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Ive learnt so much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We all went to grammer schools
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Who then, do I blame.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Especially a lifetime of it.
When she asked me how she looked .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So, i spoilt her more .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
All the time i was locked up.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She found it foreign!.
She married twice! .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I have no regrets .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
(And it was in our own minds.)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!